The Negative Drain Goes to #1

Interesting.

Two days ago, I wrote a post about The Negative Drain -- the "woe-is-me" attitude that derails the productivity of both the complainer and the listener.

Today, less than 48 hours later, that blog post is the #1 Google return for the phrase "negative drain". That's #1 out of 11,000+ citations in quotes, or 2,400,000+ without. Either way, I topped a Google search, with almost zero effort.

Granted, this obviously isn't a term a lot of people are using, but I find it astounding that I could capture the top spot of ANY Google search in such a short period of time -- especially when the term actually seems to be somewhat popular in engineering circles.

So... what do I do with it now? (If you answered, "register the URL," I'm one step ahead of you...)

Meanwhile, somewhere, a guy who makes a living at SEO is losing sleep....

I'm a Hypocrite

In yesterday's post about The Negative Drain, I essentially said two things:

1. Your bad day doesn't matter, and

2. There IS no "good" or "bad" -- life basically boils down to perspective.

I also said I have trouble empathizing with people, especially when they fail to realize that their problems are primarily the result of their own actions. Thus, I despise the Negative Drain effect of people crying "woe is me" in an effort to draw attention to themselves, because it derails both THEIR forward momentum AND mine.

Some folks agreed with me. Some disagreed. But no one else thought to call me a hypocrite except longtime STBD fan Andrew Smith, who made the point on BOTH of my blogs.

Here, he commented:

‘Woe-Is-Me’ could be a wonderful title for that classification of blog entry in which I might place most of the ‘inability to manage time’, ‘get things done’, or ‘financial difficulties’ posts.

(In case you're new, those are topics that bubble up quite often here at Cafe Witness...)

Then, on the STBD Blog, when I mentioned we'd fallen behind on production due to my tendency to hit the metaphorical snooze alarm, Andrew wrote:

...or call it 'woe-is-me'. Justin, I'm not trying to beat up on you here, but for you cast's sake and for that of your art, please forget where the snooze button is. I've been a volunteer for the greater portion of my working life. Take their time seriously. It isn't really free. They sacrifice for what they care about.

I think it's pretty clear that Andrew is trying to be proactive here, which I appreciate. Which is why, instead of sitting here and attempting to defend myself, or debating the points he raised, I won't. Instead, I'll make a proclamation:

September is "No Woe" Month (for me, at least).

What does that mean?

- No blog posts or Twitters of a negative nature. (That includes irony, since I mentioned yesterday that irony is a great way to couch frustration.)

- No blog posts or Twitters about time management, getting things done or personal finance -- since, to offer suggestions for improvement, I'd have to first acknowledge that I sometimes have these problems myself.

- No blog posts or Twitters about bad news, be it mine or the world at large's.

- No COMMENTS about other people's problems. To acknowledge them is to delve into The Negative Drain, and hence risk hypocrisy.

- Not saying "I can't," because that implies an inability to succeed. Instead, I'll be using "I won't," which implies a conscious choice over which I have full control. (AKA, "I won't be going to PodCamp Philly next week, because I've chosen to work on STBD production instead.")

What's the Point?

The point is, Andrew's right: I can't claim to not care about other people's problems and then pretend that mine are worth talking about.

Beyond that, I'm interested to see if this woe-free experiment improves my productivity and general attitude.

My Predictions?

In actuality, here's what I suspect will happen:

- I'll become quite disenfranchised from everyone for the next 30 days.

- I'll get a LOT of work done.

- I may find something else to write about on this blog, since all traditional topics will be taboo.

- I just might end up happier... or I might go crazy with no ironic outlet.

However, one thing you can count on: I won't be a shiny, happy person every day. It isn't in my makeup. To paraphrase, if I've nothing positive to say, I'll say nothing at all.

And if I do have problems? Fear not; you'll not hear about them. (That's what friends and family are for.)

So: who's with me on "No Woe" Month?

The Negative Drain

I have to be honest with you: I have trouble empathizing with people.

It's not because I don't care when bad things happen. It's because, by and large, the things that happen aren't "bad" or "good" -- they're just things -- and what determines their effect in our lives is how we react to them.

I make mistakes. I indulge in self-sabotage. I frequently make decisions I'm fairly certain are not optimal. And, when it comes time to pay the price, I expect no sympathy from other people because, let's be honest, I brought that complication / conundrum / failure upon myself.

Thus, when YOU do the same thing, it's hard for me to feel especially bad for you. After all, it's not like you didn't have options.

What This Has to Do With Social Media

We're all connected, now more than ever, as we forge our way through each day. We all know that life moves fast, and we only have so much time to achieve our dreams. So, ideally, we help push each other forward -- or at least we get out of each other's ways.

More often than not, our success in life is based upon two principles: perseverance and momentum. Few are the mountains that are conquered without the aid of one or the other; we call those "hills."

So when we're sifting through our millions of media impressions each day, you know what ISN'T helping us achieve our dreams?

The Negative Drain.

That's the stray "woe is me" Twitter / email / blog post / news article / ABC News exclusive that distracts our inner momentum and derails our perseverance. It forces us to stop moving forward and address someone else's -- or our own -- need to wallow in self-pity.

In short, it's not helping anyone.

Why Your Bad Day Doesn't Matter

You bad day isn't a bad day: it's just a day. You happened to be in a bad mood. Therefore, that neutral day registers as a bad day in your mind.

You now have two choices:

A) Suck it up, fix it and get on with your life.

B) Alert the world to your misfortune in the hopes of generating sympathy.*

How often we allow ourselves to indulge in B directly affects our own momentum and perseverance. Ironically, it also affects everyone else's.

How many times has this happened to you: while scrolling through everyone's recent messages on Twitter, following all the project updates, useful questions, cries for tech help and neverending inside jokes -- WHAM! -- someone is having a bad day. In fact, their day is SO bad, they had to Twitter it.

Their day was SO BAD, they had to announce it to the world, in the hopes that the world would somehow intervene and make everything okay.

Goodbye, momentum.

The Negative Drain Exception

As humans, we're great at realizing when we're getting screwed by the world at large. And, inevitably, we need to vent about it or we'll snap.

In order to vent without losing momentum, we've developed a useful tool called "irony." Thanks to irony, the clever among us can point out the ills of the world without falling prey to the lure of self-pity.

Sometimes, it's even funny.

Believe me, there's a BIG difference between people who cry out to the world for sympathy and people who laugh their way through a bad day.

The ones laughing are the ones you'll meet on the other side of the mountain.

* Admittedly, there are times when we, as humans, also NEED sympathy. Sometimes, life seems unbearably cruel, and irony isn't enough to weather the storm. Sometimes, we actually NEED someone else -- or a whole world of someones -- to help us through.

The problem is, in our increasingly self-focused world, where everything that happens to us is mistaken for news, the line between "inconvenience" and "life-changing tragedy" is becoming highly subjective. Where we once expected sympathy for the loss of a loved one, some of us now expect the same for the loss of some stored data on a hard drive.

Meanwhile, one friend of mine is currently navigating some serious family misfortune. If anyone I know deserves sympathy, or at least the right to vent about life, it's her. And yet, she's consistently one of the sunniest people I know. In fact, SHE tends to buoy MY spirits, even though her "bad" days FAR outweigh mine.

In the end...

...there is no good and bad. There's just perspective.

Onward and upward.